Life Aquatic

What the hell am I watching? What happened Wes? Remember Rushmore? Remember The Royal Tenenbaums? Why are you weird for the sake of being wierd now?


The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
2004

Directed by:
Wes Anderson

Cast:

Bill Murray .......Steve Zissou
Owen Wilson......Ned Plimpton
Cate Blanchett....Jane Winslett-Richardson
Anjelica Huston...Eleanor Zissou
Willem Dafoe.......Klaus Daimler

Really can't give you a good review on this stinker. Only watched about 45 minutes and then went to go do the dishes. Yep that's right dishes were more entertaining than this movie. I was so pissed about the failure of this flick. I LOVED The Royal Tenenbaums, Rushmore, hell I even dug Bottle Rocket. But what the hell happened here?


I'll tell ya. Wes only got halfway through his development process. Bear with me. Let's say that this is Anderson's writing routine.

1. Create oddball characters.
2. Insert oddball characters into mundane, yet odd situations.
3. Pepper dialogue and action with surreal moments.
4. Cast charaters against type and bake for 30 min.

Here's what went wrong. They put these oddball characters that are just riddled with potential in a Jacques Cousteauesque setting and they just thudded. No great pull, and ultimately no laughs. You might have remembered me in the matinee of the Royal Tenenbaums when nobody was laughing, pissing my pants and hyperventilating. Come on folks when Pagoda stuck the shiv into Royal I lost it. But there was none of that here. No moments that you caught yourself in.

I would really like someone else's take on this one. Please share. Please tell me if I should watch the rest of the flick.

Who'da thought I'd like Annette?

An aging actress finally becomes worth all the hype.

Being Julia
2004

Directed by:
István Szabó

Cast:
Annette Bening..................Julia Lambert
Shaun Evans......................Tom Fennel
Jeremy Irons.....................Michael Gosselyn

Okay I didn't want to like this movie. I have only like Annette Bening in one film and that was The Grifters. Yes she has been in good movies (see American Beauty) but she has not done anything for me. That is until now. Ms. Bening finally proved herself to me and the Oscar nomination was deserved.


The movie centers around an aging British actress and her pitfalls. The movie starts off slow enough and does gain speed until about an hour into it. The problem was essentially plat devices older than the theatre itself. However when the film hits its stride it's good.

Bening stumbles at first mostly due to what I call the "lets get used to the American actress using a British accent. Once the disbelief is suspended you're hooked and you are drawn to Bening's larger than life Julia. Iron's Michael is deliciously pompous and as usual captivates you with a mere turn of a phrase. On a side note: I'm itching to see another Reversal of Fortune type performance. Or going in a different direction; I wouldn't mind seeing him play something completely off character.

As said earlier the film's pacing was slow at first due to a tired may December romance. However once it goes south and the claws come out you are mesmerized watching a strong woman take control and demand attention.

I'm going to give this a rent it rating mostly due to the film's subject matter. It's definitely not a flick you'll pull out of your collection to watch time and again. However it is worthy a rental because it is a good watch. Hold tight for the first bit and you'll be rewarded.

The Movie Originality Forgot

Come on People! I'm not going to ruin the ending but next to Alice in Wonderland this is the most unoriginal.

The Forgotten
2004

Directed by:
Joseph Ruben

Cast:

Julianne Moore........................Telly Paretta
Christopher Kovaleski..............Sam
Anthony Edwards....................Jim Paretta

Julianne, Julianne, Julianne. How the hell did you get caught up in this crap. The movie was alright but damn if I didn't think it might be exceptional with you in it. Yes you did bring life and spirit to a one note flick but come on -- slap your agent and put this piece of shit behind you.

What we have here is a Mother whose memory of her dead son is failing. Those around her claim that she never had a son. Nice mysterious opening, right? Well that's when the screenwriter's left the room and they brought in the not-so-well trained chimps to finish the job.

I'm not going to ruin it for you so don't worry and read on. I merely want to impress upon you not to expect anything clever or "mind bending" as the movie is desperately gunning for.

I will give minor kudos to the effects people for a glimpse of something different. The rest is typical. A good set-up, good cast, but somewhere along the way they just didn't pay attention to the finish (note: alternative endings are only another phrase for "We shot crap that day, so we went back for a reshoot".

In short -- wait for cable. Moore is watchable but the flick is a yawn.

Suck on this Spiderman!

Tired of the dark over-produced under scripted comic action films? Take a break until X-Men 3 comes out and check out this. It will have you aching for a time when you wondered "How does Superman change outfits so fast?"


Incredibles
2004

Directed by:
Brad Bird

Cast:

Craig T. Nelson.............Bob Parr/Mr. Incredible
Holly Hunter................Helen Parr/Elastigirl
Samuel L. Jackson........Lucius Best/Frozone
Jason Lee......................Buddy Pine/Syndrome

Talk about big shoes to fill. I'm talking about Finding Nemo & Monster's Inc. These are two movies that I adore and will continue to watch over and over again. So the question is does The Incredibles stack up? Yes and No. Is it a great movie? Yes very much so. Is it as good as Pixar has done in the past? No. Unfortunately Pixar has slowed their roll a bit but are still making fantastic movies.

The movie is about a Superhero that must retire and face the mundane suburbia life he is accustomed to. For reasons I will not name Mr. Incredible, with superhero wife and kids in tow, must come out of hiding. What ensued is an exquisite mixture of nostalgia and technology.


As with most Pixar films you love sight of the computer animation real quick. Here it's no small feat since they are now dealing with humans and cities as opposed to fish, oceans, and monsters. Quickly you suspend belief and dive into this world. Something that Shrek's humans never quite pulled off.

The voice casting at first seemed gimmicky. Craig T. Nelson didn't quite fit the look of the character and Samuel L. Jackson had too big of a voice for Frozone. But after a while you quickly lose sight of this. And as always I loooved Holly Hunter.

Overall the film is enjoyable and kids and adults will enjoy a funny foray into the world of superheroes. I think we all needed a quick break from the over-produced action comic movies of late.

I give it 4 out of 5.
definitely worthy of adding to your collection.

Holly for President!

Did I ever mention my borderline gay crush on Holly Hunter. Well ever since Broadcast News I've adored her and she makes a triumphant return to the control room here.

Little Black Book
2004

Directed by:
Nick Hurran

Cast:

Brittany Murphy.....................Stacy
Holly Hunter...........................Barb
Kathy Bates.............................Kippie Kann
Ron Livingston........................Derek


I want to meet the casting director of this movie. Kathy Bates, Holly Hunter, Carly Simon dear lord how did this happen and no one go see the movie. I can tell you exactly why. Your only as good as your last film and Brittany Murphy's Uptown Girls fell flat on its face. Is it Brittany's fault? No, just check out Spun, Don't Say a Word, Girl, Interrupted and you'll see she's got the chops. Maybe she's just not going to carry a big movie alone. Her best performances were sideline characters. Maybe she just isn't Julia Roberts.

Having said that I believe she did a great job here and successfully incorporated her spritish charm without going overboard (see Uptown Girls). Brittany is Stacy a daytime talk show associate producer who is sent on a quest to learn about her boyfriend through his exs. I'll leave you right there.

Rounding out the cast is Holly Hunter as Barb the ladder climbing AP who is so delicious that at the end you just smile and think this is where Jane Craig ended up! We also have Kathy Bates as a second rate Oprah, Kippie Kann. Though she fit nicely in I believe that she definitely deserved more air time.

There is a moral at the end --- do we care? Not really but at that point it doesn't matter and the last scene of the film makes up for it.

I give this 3 Kippie Kann Kiddie Kups out of 5.
definitely worth a rent.

Can You Here Me Now?

My Science teacher never taught me the finer points of telephone reconstruction.

Cellular
2004

Directed by:
David R. Ellis

Cast:
Kim Basinger...........................Jessica
Chris Evans.............................Ryan
William H. Macy.....................Mooney
Jessica Biel..............................Chloe

First things first. I didn't want to like this film. I don't like Kim Basinger and come on folks a kidnapped woman makes a random call and the guy stays on the phone with her?!? Well I'm not quite singing a different tune but I sort of in enjoyed the flick.

The scene is set when Kim Basinger's Jessica is kidnapped and locked in an attic. The kidnappers smash an old rotary phone and Jessica proceeds to piece it together and make a call. Enter Ryan, played by newcomer Chris Evans (newcomer in the sense I don't count Not Another Teen Movie as an actual role), who answers the call and has wacky mad capped adventures trying to save her.

Well the plot is thin, but in an action movie there's really no need for silly things like plot progression or character arcs. What we get instead is a decent ride. I actually found myself rooting for the kid.

The cast is rounded out nicely with William H. Macy in is 500th sad sack role to date. I don't know what it is about him though but it works. He adds a sense or respectability and integrity to the film. Though certain scenes in the film are wildly predictable you're still willing to go along with it.

definitely not a keeper but good enough to rent.
I give this 3 Nokia product placements out of 5.

A Little Change Up

Ratings System Changes

I've decided that the star rating system I currently employ (5 Stars -- 1 Star) is for crap. I end up giving most movies 3 stars even though they may not be equally matched. It's hard for some movies because it's worth watching once but that's it so you don't want to give it 2 stars.

So I've decided on a more accurate (at least for my tastes) system. Outlined below:

Buy It! -- These movies should be added to your collection.

Rent It -- Worth a rental fee or Netflix slot.

Wait for Cable -- If you see it on you local TV listings catch it.

Wait for UPN --If you're hungover on a Sunday and MTV is airing the Real World Marathon catch it on UPN or equally crappy station.

Avoid Like Herpes -- Run out of the video store, flip the channel, and/or schedule an intervention if a friend or loved one suggests watching it.

So we'll see how this one works out. Any suggestions/comments please feel free.

I Shat Huckabees

Review delayed due to the fact that I fell asleep during it. Will review later in the week. (Note: Said nap took place at noon after sleeping for 8 hours. Not a good indication of the movie's merit)

I Heart Huckabees
2004

Directed by:
David O. Russell

Cast:

Jason Schwartzman............Albert Markovski
Dustin Hoffman..................Bernard
Lily Tomlin.........................Vivian
Jude Law............................Brad Stand
Mark Wahlberg...................Tommy Corn
Naomi Watts.......................Dawn Campbell



(Full Review to follow later this week when well rested and amped up on speedballs and Dr. Pepper)

Bridget and the Wacky Thai Prison

Alternative titles: Bridget Jones: Why Chunky Girls Can't Have Cute Hair. Bridget Jones: Basically Same as the First or my favorite Bridget Jones: How I Stopped Looking for Love and Learned to Love MY Thai Prison

Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
2004

Directed by:
Beeban Kidron

Cast:

Renée Zellweger..........Bridget Jones
Colin Firth..................Mark Darcy
Hugh Grant................Daniel Cleaver

Let me start by saying that no I haven't read any of the Bridget books. Despite this I did enjoy the first movie. I felt the character were fully fleshed out and played by capable actors working with a good script. Well call this Bridget Jones: Redux because it's the SAME EXACT movie. No really down to the fight between Mark and Daniel it is the exact same.

So to capitalize on the success of Bridget Jones they do a sequel. No problem you've got the books to work off of and you've got a cast that against all odds is agreeing to come back. So why not give them something original to work off of?

We pick up with Bridget 6 weeks into her relationship with Mark Darcy. Predictably things fall apart and Bridget makes an ass out of herself. No problem so far-- entertaining enough -- but they bring back Daniel Cleaver in what I viewed as an improbable encounter and the wackiness ensues.


Zelwegger reprised her role plus a few pounds. I have to admit that this time around she does look chubby, as opposed to the first film's hey look at the extremely thin actress who put on a few. My main beef was with the hairstylist. What chunky girls can't have cute hair? Through the whole film her hair looked like a rag doll's. What's with that? As a girl with a few on her I have to say that that was insulting (Not boycott the movie insulting just WTF?).

Not trying to ruin the film for anyone but watch out for the scenes in the Thai prison. Yes now Thai prisons are funny. Again I said Thai prison. I will again say Thai prison. Who thought that romantic comedies need to include wacky settings such as THAI PRISONS????!!???

The characters and plot are remarkably similar to the first but go ahead and rent this one (don't buy). If you enjoyed the first then you'll at least get a chuckle out of this one.

I give this 3 Thai prisons out of 5.

What Happens When Ghosts Don't Play Nice

Watch out folks, Buffy is back and she is in a boring crappy movie. Dear God someone get this chick a decent manager.

The Grudge
2004

Directed By:
Takashi Shimizu

Cast:

Sarah Michelle Gellar..........Karen
Jason Behr...........................Doug
Clea DuVall.........................Jennifer
Bill Pullman........................Peter

Crap, Crap, Crap! Avoid seeing this amalgam of all horror movies. Take a freaky premise then drag it out for an hour and a half. End on a scare that is totally non-sensical and you've got The Grudge.

Here's the set-up. Apparently in Japan when someone dies in a fit of rage they will come back and kill anyone who comes to their house. Oh and there's a black cat running around. Oh and next time your sick and you've got the E.T. phone home voice say ahhh and drag it out for two minutes. That was the frightening sounds that the audio wizards came up with for this flick.


The movie is based upon the Japanese original and let's just say something was definitely lost in the translation. It was sorta a who cares thriller without any thrills or scares. Sarah Michelle Gellar looks as though she said "Hey I've spent 7 years looking semi-frightened, give me money and I'll do it for another hour and a half". Buffy, Buffy, Buffy we expected great things from you post-hellmouth and what do you give us Scooby Doo and this drivel?

Not much else to rant about. Avoid this one -- there's really no redeeming qualities or performances. Maybe I'll check out the original. There's gotta be a reason that brought it across the pond.

I give this 2 creepy photo collages out of 5.